He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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