Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Im part way to drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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