Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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