make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
