Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
