If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
