While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
