somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
