i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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