One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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