i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
