whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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