I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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