I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
