An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
