Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
