just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
