Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
