So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
