i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
