At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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