K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
