Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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