***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just had sex bonerless
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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