It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
