smell my finger.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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