Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
