Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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