my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
