I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
