I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
