Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
