I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
