The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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