I want to walk on stilts...naked
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
