Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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