He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
