You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
