I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
