watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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