we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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