just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
