So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
