I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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