i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
