when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize