holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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