This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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