oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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