I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We are all done wearing pants today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
