UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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