i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
