Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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