I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
