Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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