He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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