I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
