just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
