that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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