she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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