Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i love accidental penises.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
last night I used snow as a chaser
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
