so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
