rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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