Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
