Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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