pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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