new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my phone needs a breathalizer
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
