Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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