i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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