So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
