His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Blood and glitter go together right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
