last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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