My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
