Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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