You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
