I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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