were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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