Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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