I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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