his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
