i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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