So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
