I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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