He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
