My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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