i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
